if..., then...

If I'm trying to fall asleep, then don't talk to me.

If you've already asked someone else to do something for you, then don't ask me to do it too.

If I'm obviously in the middle of something, then don't ask me for help.

If I've made up my mind, then don't keep offering me alternatives.

If I say no, then don't keep trying to get me to say yes.

If I say I don't like (insert food), then don't try to sneakily get me to eat it--I always notice.

If you planned poorly, then don't act like it's my emergency to fix.

If you didn't do your job right, then don't ask me for money to fix the mess you've made.

If you say we're going to meet at 2pm, then please be there at 2pm.

If you offered to do something for me, then don't complain about doing it.

If you agreed to something, then don't bring it up six months later and claim you didn't agree to it.

If you screwed up, then don't act like it was my/their/someone else's fault.

If you've been on the job for a few months, then don't keep claiming you're "the new guy" when you don't know something.

If I don't agree to do what you want, then don't try to go around me to get my boss to make me do it.

If I say I'm going to do something, then I will do it--don't keep asking me if I will.

If I say I don't want the attention, then I really mean it.

If I write a blog post, then please comment on it.

If Barack Obama wins then presidency, then America will go to hell in a handbasket. Just kidding. Mostly.