the poser

The gym is a great place to observe human behavior. There are the guys who stare at themselves in the mirror, whether it's the bathroom mirror or the mirrors by the weights (there's one guy in particular who seems to make about 10 trips per visit to the bathroom to admire his biceps). There are the women who talk on their cell phones or text while they're on the treadmill (annoying). There are the men who come with their wives but then only work out half the time that they're there. There are the women who come in only to tan, and then quickly leave. There are the hardcore guys who do all sorts of exotic moves with weights and mats and other gym-related paraphernalia. All are fascinating to watch, and for the most part, I have no problem with them.

There's one particular guy I've seen at the gym a couple times that really bothers me, however. We'll call him The Poser. The Poser comes in with his wife, and his wife only walks on the treadmill. The Poser, however, is all over the place, making use of at least 75% of the machines/equipment while he visits. The Poser's entire persona drives me crazy. He starts off his routine by doing all sorts of ridiculous stretches and moving his head around to get himself ready for a big workout. He then proceeds to walk 1 mph for five minutes on the treadmill. He follows this up by climbing about .1 mph on the stairmaster for another five minutes. Now that he's gotten all worked up, it's time to do some more stretches. He follows this up by lifting a few weights, after which he takes off his t-shirt to reveal a tight wife-beater. This is, of course, completely unnecessary since The Poser has barely done anything since he set foot in the gym, other than make a big deal out of his being there. In short, The Poser is a fake. A phony. An impostor. The Poser needs a beating, and I'd love to be the person to administer it.