denim lament

The diet I've been on since January is working. Current clothes are starting to fit better. Old clothes are starting to fit again. I could only do about three pushups at a time when I started, but can now do 15. I sleep better, look better (I think) and feel better. These are all the intended and hoped for benefits of dieting, and I'm glad that I have them.

This should all be a cause for celebration, but in one way, it's not. You see, my favorite pair of jeans is the pair that I wear when I'm at my heaviest. They're the perfect shade of indigo--not too dark, and not obscenely faded. The pant legs are whiskered in places, and the edges are frayed. They've got a slight bootcut--a feature I once mocked relentlessly, but have come to love. There are no flashy designs on the pockets, nothing on the front or back that would draw attention to them or me. These jeans are not without fault, however. I've never liked the placement of the belt loops, which causes me to be constantly adjusting them at the waist. They're a bit baggy in the rear, but maybe that's just my diet. These jeans have character, and I love them.

I've never found another pair of jeans like them, and believe me, I've tried. Perhaps the problem has been that stylish clothes usually aren't made for the overweight. Whiskers, flares and the like aren't exactly the styles Big & Tall's target demographic crave, after all. In the place I've been in the continuum of obesity, I've had to order every pair of jeans I've owned for this reason. I'll spend a lot of money to find the right pair of jeans, and while I've made many attempts and even kept a pair or two, nothing has come close to this beloved pair of jeans.

I have them on now. I just looked at myself in the mirror, and this blessed garment is starting to look a little ridiculous on me. I have to pull the belt really tight to keep them from falling off, so the cloth bunches up around my waist. I could probably fit a gallon or two of milk in the rear. They touch the floor just a tad too much for my tastes.

Today might be the last time I wear them, at least, until I gain weight again. As much as I'd like to believe that this will be my last diet ever, the more likely scenario is that I'll hop on the roller coaster of weight gain/loss once again in a year or two. If this does happen, it's also possible that my dear jeans will no longer be en vogue. It's happened with all my other diets, after all. What a depressing thought.