conformity and responsibility

I saw "Revolutionary Road" last Saturday. To be honest, I didn't really like it that much. It was a slow drama, and while its depiction of life in 1950's suburban America was probably very accurate, it was difficult for me to digest. Also, the characters weren't particularly likable, despite the fact that I've been a fan of Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio in other movies. All in all, the movie was well done and the actors' performances were excellent. I just didn't connect with the movie. Despite this, I was really affected by the story and by the ending. That's never really happened with a film I didn't get really excited about.

In the movie, the two aforementioned actors are husband and wife. He's got a corporate job that he hates. She's the housewife trying to create the image of a perfect marriage with a perfect household and perfect children. In short, everything they do seems to be for the sake of appearance and conformity. Of the two, she's the only one who seems to realize how much they both hate what their lives have become, so she convinces him to quit his job and sell the house so that they can move to France. Their intent is to "truly experience life" and to do things they really like and enjoy.

Over the course of the next few weeks, they begin preparing for the move. They tell their friends and co-workers, all of whom think they're crazy or immature. In the midst of all this, he ends up getting offered a big promotion at work, and she ends up getting pregnant. While he wants to go to France, he ultimately chooses the promotion because of the responsibility he feels to move up in the world and provide for his family. She, of course, is unhappy with his decision. They begin fighting, and ultimately she ends up dying after trying to give herself an abortion at home. He moves to the city and moves up the corporate ladder. The End.

Ultimately, I guess I did connect with the characters, but not by liking them. I've had struggles similar to theirs, and I've occasionally written about them here. I've got the corporate job that I've been liking less and less over the last year. I frequently daydream about doing something else, but I don't know what that something else could be (my daydreams usually involve white sand beaches and turquoise water or a mansion with stunning views of the Tetons, and those obviously aren't jobs). I don't have kids, but I feel that I'm responsible for earning the majority of the money. And, of course, with a mortgage and car and student loans to pay, I can't exactly walk away from this American Dream I've created for myself.

I walked out of the theater and strolled around the mall for a while after that. The whole time, all I could think of was how pointless and futile my life is, and how the best (and possibly only) solution might be suicide. I'm not suicidal, but I couldn't shake the thought. A few days later, I realize that maybe the best solution is to just pay off all my debts and then build up enough savings so that I can walk away from it all and go somewhere that I really like. Maybe I could go someplace warm, like Hawaii, Greece or Italy and work part-time, making sandwiches. Something simple with limited responsibility. A few hours of work each day just to get by, and then I could spend the rest doing...well, who knows...whatever.

Maybe...