the ultimate marketing machine

Dear BMW,

I love the car. It's wonderful. It has exceeded my every expectation. Rain or shine, there are few things I look forward to more in my day than driving it. Would I ever consider buying another? Absolutely. Maybe I'd even get one for the little lady, if she's really nice. That would look silly in the garage, but I digress.

I do have one complaint, however, so let's make a deal--if I ever buy another, can you do me a favor? Don't send me BMW magazine. Don't send me fancy cards, Christmas or otherwise. Don't send me a multi-CD set containing lectures by the great and up-and-coming minds of the world for my listening enjoyment. Don't slam my inbox with coupons for BMW-logo merchandise or news about the latest piece of automobile wizardry that you've created. Believe me--if I want to know about it (and I will), I will seek it on my own.

DO, however, feel free to give me a discount on the car with all the money you'll be saving by not marketing to me. After all, the best advertisement for a BMW is, strangely enough, a BMW--and somehow I ended up with one without your magazine, free CDs or other useless trash. It's strange, but it's true.

When, many years from now, the time comes for me to replace the current car, you won't have to remind me to seek you out. Or to ask you for a discount.

Love ya,

Steve-o