open letter to the guy with the spurs

To the guy on my floor who wears spurs to work every Friday:

You're a jackass.

Anyone who thinks it's acceptable to wear spurs to work is an idiot, unless, of course, you work on a ranch. We don't work on a ranch, ace. There are no cows or horses inside the headquarters of the corporate behemoth to whom we've bequeathed our lives and souls.

I don't care if Fridays are "casual". We work for one of the biggest companies in the world, and regardless, nobody wants to hear you walk. No one wants hear you jingle-jangle-jingle as you saunter up and down the corridor. Everyone, however, wants a piece of you. Personally, I'd love to meet you at the flagpole.

I should congratulate you. Few people I've known in my lifetime have made numerous enemies as quickly as you have. Who ever knew that a few bits of seemingly innocuous metal could be so hazardous to your health?

You're not cool. You're not stylish. You're not a trend-setter. You're noise pollution. You're a disease. You're an infestation that must be eradicated. Your day will come.

Take the boots off. PLEASE.

XOXOXO,

Steve-o