fairly sissy methods for obtaining better sleep

I've never been able to sleep all that well, or at least, not for very long (as evidenced by my writing this post at 5:30am, after trying to fall back asleep for an hour and a half). I think most people prefer or are at least capable of 8-10 hours of sleep a night; I can rarely sleep more than 5-6 hours a night, and if I'm able to get seven hours, that's a REALLY good night. In fact, I can only remember 3-4 instances this year when I actually got seven hours of sleep. It's not that I can't fall asleep--I can usually fall asleep in under a minute--I am just incapable of sleeping in or for long periods of time. I've always been like this. As such, I'm always looking for ways to improve my sleep.

METHOD ONE: CALORIE/BEVERAGE RESTRICTION

Over the last few months, I can remember sleeping seven hours straight on three separate occasions. On each of those occasions, I had restricted my calorie and beverage intake for the day. I probably drank a liter or less of water, had no soda or milk, and only ate a few small meals that day: an apple for one meal, an orange for another, an apple for another, and a small sandwich might be one day's meals. This is obviously not easy to accomplish, especially when you're a prodigious eater like me, but it is possible with some planning. I've also found that combining low intake with a little exercise helps, too. Not surprisingly, a few days of this can mean dramatic weight loss.

METHOD TWO: SLEEP MASKS



I can't think of anything particularly manly about wearing a sleep mask, and not surprisingly, I couldn't find a picture of a man wearing one in my three-minute search of the internet.

I first resorted to the covering-the-eyes method of obtaining better sleep when I was in the MTC (Missionary Training Center) before my mission to Hong Kong. We were granted exercise time a few times a week, and since I'd usually rather have cancer than exercise, a like-minded friend and I would usually high-tail it back to our room and take naps instead. This was always in the middle of the day, so I would cover my eyes with a sock to block out the light. It always worked like a charm, even if the method was fairly emasculating.

I got my first real sleep mask on the flight over to HK (bless Cathay Pacific for being such an awesome airline). I used that mask like crazy over the next two years. It was so beat up by the end of my stint in HK that gluey bits of elastic started coming out of the band and getting stuck in my hair. The little lady later bought me a new one to replace it, which was a nice gesture. I think she got some weird looks from the people at Spencer's Gifts (the only place she could find them) when she bought it, though. I think Spencer's intended their sleep masks for some kind of sexual debauchery rather than a good night's sleep.

METHOD THREE: TEDDY BEARS



Nope, definitely nothing manly about this. A girl in HK that liked me gave me a creepy looking stuffed panda bear for some occasion, probably my birthday or Christmas. I don't remember what I was thinking, but I decided to try sleeping whilst holding onto it one night. As mentioned above, I usually fall asleep really fast, but on this particular occasion, I fell asleep lightning fast. So, I decided to try it again...and again...and again. Pretty soon, I was using it every night (thank heaven I didn't have to share my room with a roommate). When Becca and I were dating, I told her about the panda bear and I think she got jealous, because she gave me a new teddy bear for Christmas that year (along with the sleep mask, a blanket and maybe one or two other sleep-related items--strange theme for a set of gifts, but nice nonetheless).

I still have both teddy bears, but no longer use them. My favorite weapon of choice now is just a regular pillow. Becca hates this, however, because said pillow has a bad habit of ending up on top of her or swatting her in the middle of the night. I guess I move around a lot when I sleep. Oops.

You might be wondering why I don't just hold onto my wife while sleeping. It's a nice idea, but impractical. If I did that, I might as well be holding onto a radiator. I'm really sensitive to warm temperatures, and thus hugging the wife is a one-way ticket to a horrible night of sleep. Thanks, but no thanks. Sorry, Becca, but you'll have to continue to battle the pillow.

Got any good methods for getting better sleep? I'd like to hear them.