ennui

"Is this all that I am? Is there nothing more?", from Star Trek: The Movie


I've been in a rut lately. The boredom I've been experiencing transcends anything I've previously experienced, at least, that I can remember.

It started when I came back from my Mediterranean cruise. Who wouldn't be bored after a vacation like that, especially when "reality" is piloting a desk in suburban Minneapolis? I've been bored for more than two months now. This can't be normal.

I've recently had a number of conversations with friends who have worked for my company roughly the same amount of time that I have. Many of them are experiencing feelings similar to mine:

"I have no idea what I'm going to do next."

"We used to have fun here. I can't remember the last time I had any fun at work."

"I'm going to slit my wrists if I have to be a (specify job) for the rest of my life."

...and the list goes on. There's a feeling of frustration, a general malaise in all of us, and no one can quite put their finger on what it is. I suspect, however, that we all know the reasons for it.

I should be happy. I work for a company that is the best in the world at what it does. I am paid very well, and want for nothing. Well, other than an Italian sportscar and an upgrade or five to my watch collection. I might go for a promotion at work, and that could actually mean that I would have to work less than I do now. I'm going to be done with my MBA in December, and that should open up additional options to me. Really, everything is going very well and I should be happy. I'm not. All of these things, and life, in general, have seemed pretty meaningless lately.

Lately, my answer to boredom has been to go shopping (hence the name of this blog--more on that some other time) or to go out to eat. You can only buy so much stuff before it gets boring and/or you run out of money. You can only eat so much before you gain a lot of weight. I'm experiencing all of the above. I have some great crap in my possession and have eaten a lot of good food, but it ultimately doesn't add much meaning to my life.

Something has to change. Diet? Exercise? A perm? At least a couple of these would probably help. I ran for 30 minutes on my elliptical this morning, something I hadn't done in many months. I should make a habit out of that. As for dieting, I tried to start early last week and that lasted about a day before boredom got the best of me. Maybe I'll try again tomorrow.

I've spent a lot of time on blogs, chatboards and Facebook to pass the time. Temporary solutions, since the flow of new posts and information is slow. None of this is helping my OCD-like tendencies, either. I'm surprised the ink hasn't rubbed off the F5 key yet.

So, I'm bored, lonely and not enjoying my job. Again, something has to change. Another trip would be great, but that's probably not going to happen until we go to LA to visit my parents for Christmas. Even that is only a temporary solution.

I'm so *BORED*.